Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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