Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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