dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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