It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
