hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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