How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
