I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
