In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
