You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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