that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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