I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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