Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
