now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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