i think my mom watched the whole time
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize