I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just gargled with NyQuil
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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