Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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