matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
