Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
handjob tips. give me some.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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