You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My dick has a subreddit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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