She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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