i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
