Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
