im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
