After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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