i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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