I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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