I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
