dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
