new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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