i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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