my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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