My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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