The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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