I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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