i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
