happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
