i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
