He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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