I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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