Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
