so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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