he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
