Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
