she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize