she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
