I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
