Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize