Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
