I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
