I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
