I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
