Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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