I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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