apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
