I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
