hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
