I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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