I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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