if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
