Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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