Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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