If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
