I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
