I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
