my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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