I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
