dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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