Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
