I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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