We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
