I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
