is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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