youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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