he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
